Communication Breakthrough

I have this fantasy....a musing that's passed through my head on more than one occasion. In said fantasy I am in my car and I'm able to communicate with other cars via something akin to a mobile billboard, but I'm able to change the content at will. In essence, this allows me to "text" other cars from a "screen" attached to my car. It would be the way that cars talk, in other words.

Don't think about the safety issues now, my friends. Those are mere bugs to be worked out.

There would be the usual stuff you'd want to say to someone, the "turn your lights on" or the "Watch it, Buster!" or perhaps the "BABY ON BOARD!" that you already see on so many cars; in this sense, I suppose you could also liken this device to a completely dynamic bumper sticker. But in my mental world I always use this device to provide the world with a dose of completely profound social commentary and other glimpses of my all-around acumen.

Take, for instance, something I saw the other day. It was an absolutely bitterly cold day, with highs no greater than 10 or so degrees. Just really awful. In fact, it was one of those deliriously frigid days that made me think that it would be better to be lying homeless on the beach with a campfire and some canned food than to enjoy home ownership. But I digress. As I am prone to do.

Anyway, on this day I had to get out to the store, and had all three kids with me. After finishing the shopping and getting everyone piled back into the car (and believe me, three kids in coats/blankets are about 8 million times harder to get into the car than three kids without outerwear....), and breathing a literal sigh of relief that that chore was done, I saw something so startling that I laughed out loud.

Leaving the liquor store that shares a parking lot with the grocery store was a very large woman with tremendous bosoms wearing an even more tremendous fur coat. To give you an accurate picture, this coat was of the wooly-mammoth variety. Held one under each arm, football style, were two of those GINORMOUS wine bottles that I have always been convinced are just for display in liquor store windows; they literally scream "If I really am filled with wine then I am too large to pour and must be decanted into approximately 4,560 vessels! ".

Did I mention that she was sprinting across the parking lot? As much as a large body, tremendous bosoms, the pelt of a paleolithic animal, and a grand total of 10 feet of wine bottle allow?

Between the dark fur coat and the dark bottles, each one nestled to the side of the aforementioned ample bosoms, she literally looked like a furry, four-boobed animal running through the parking lot. She was flat out running, bosoms heaving, wine bottles-acting-as-two-more-boobs bouncing along.

Now yes, it was cold. And I can see the quickened pace as a response to this. But at this moment I desired the portable social commentary machine (gotta think of a better name for that) so that I could satiate this urge to scream something out the window about how all of that alcohol wasn't going to help with this cold situation. Yes, I could post that on the social commentary machine, or perhaps something about how you should not run with ginormous wine bottles, particularly when one is not so athletic as it is. Come to think of it, I don't think that you should run with regular-sized wine bottles, no matter your size or athleticism, but that's another day's blog.

That my urge was to shout a *health warning* in this situation that otherwise contained so much humor value, that was so rich with other possible headlines to place on the social commentary machine, is but a mere indication of the fact that I'm both guilty and nice.

But you knew that.