There is always a certain paranoia that accompanies the unknown, I guess, and at least in my mind, this paranoia proliferates under the influence of my very robust imagination. If there's anything that I do well, it's imagining worst case scenarios.
With that on the table, tomorrow I have an MRI to make sure that I don't have a brain tumor. I have been assured that I probably do not have such a tumor (or "the scary stuff," as my doctor as called it), and that the flashes of light and numbness in my face and lips that have come on over the past five months are more likely the result of "migrainous events" rather than uninvited tumor cells.
But it still leaves me a bit panciky and undeniably morose. After my doctor's visit the other day, during which I desperately hoped that she would find a very easy answer for these symptoms, I left feeling like things were spiraling out of control. FOR PETE'S SAKE? If "go get an MRI" means that things are spiraling out of control, what does actual bad news mean? That reason implodes?
Maybe. I'm hoping I don't find out. I'm also hoping that I become more of a realist, reign in my active imagination, get on with life today, and load the dishwasher. But for now I think I'll be content with drinking more coffee, knitting, and neglecting the children until they are either a) bleeding or b) screaming.
Now *that* is a rational plan.
3 comments:
Hey! Well, while you're doing your knitting, I'm saying a prayer, for your health and peace.
I'll be anxious to hear that everything is just fine. :)
I hope you get great news from the MRI and they figure out how to alleviate your symptoms.
If it makes you feel better I had an MRI years ago to rule out a brain tumor and obviously they didn't find one. When I got the same symptoms agin a few years later, I was actually more disturbed that they didn't want to do another MRI since the last time it hadn't turned out to be a tumor as if I'm now free from the possibility of ever having a brain tumor.
Good luck - take deep breaths and have happy, spacious thoughts while you're in there.
i love you :)
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